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Critterball Crisis/Transcript
Green's House, front yard (The episode title appears on a Critterball that Tilly is holding. She narrows her eyes.) Cricket: Alright, Tilly, gimme one straight down the middle. And don't hold back! (Tilly tosses the Critterball towards Cricket, who kicks it over the fence... and into Big Coffee.) Cricket: Home run! Big Coffee, exterior (Gloria serves a customer his drink.) Gloria: Here's your latte, sir. (The Critterball from earlier hits the top of the cup, spilling latte everywhere.) Gloria: Oh! I am so, so sorry. Purple customer with blue scarf: C'mon, Jeffrey the scarf! We have a scathing review to write... (The customer leaves the premises.) Cricket: (laughing, in background) Did you see that, guys?... (Gloria picks up the Critterball.) Remy (OS): Oh! That's amazing! Green's House, front yard (The kids continue to play Critterball.) Cricket: (running across the field) I can't believe it! Home run! I'm makin' Critterball history! (He slaps the pig's backside; laughing, he goes around the sheep, but is immediately tackled by Tilly.) Cricket: (Coughs) Good hustle, Tilly. Tilly: Thank you. Anything goes in Critterball. (Brett watches from the nearby apartment building.) Brett: Man, I've been watching this game for about an hour and I still don't get it. GO TEAM! (Tilly helps Cricket up.) Gloria: Hey! You kids better keep this on your side of the fence! Cricket: And a good day to you too, Gloria. Gloria: Don't you "good day Gloria" me. It would be a good day if this ball hadn't just torpedoed into the cafe. Cricket: Oh, no worries. Home runs like that are super rare. Besides, what's a critterball or two between neighbors? Gloria: (tosses ball back) Keep it on your side of the fence. (leaves) Cricket: ...Obviously Gloria has no idea how important Critterball is. So... GAME ON! (The kids continue to play. Tilly kicks a ball over the fence again. Cricket winces, and high fives Tilly. Remy uses his back to kick a ball towards the fence ''AGAIN. Cricket takes out a critterball out of a bag, and cue montage: Tilly, on Melissa, kicks a ball towards Cricket (holding Dirtbag), who kicks it towards Remy (on the cow) The cow kicks the ball towards... the fence. All three balls, and a lot after, go over the fence. Cricket high-fives Remy, and when Tilly slides up, Cricket and Remy both high-five her. Montage ends with the chicken laying an egg. Cricket searches for more balls, but none.)'' Cricket: Uh-oh. Looks like we're all out of Critterballs. Let's go see Gloria! Big Coffee, exterior (The kids peek over the fence.) Cricket: Gloria! ...Ooh my... (The damage to the cafe is extensive.) Cricket: Boy, I hope she ain't too mad... (A mop is placed next to him; Gloria has arrived.) Cricket: Gloria! Just the person I was looking for. Can we please have our Critterballs back? Gloria: Ex''cuse'' me? Cricket: Our Critterballs? Would be real nice to get them back. Gloria: (crouches) Let me fill you in on a secret... Cricket: Okay! (goes close to Gloria) Gloria: I... (angrily) don't ever want to see you, '''or your stupid face, again.' ''(She goes inside the cafe. Cricket is in shock, Tilly and Remy walk to him.) Cricket: What the hey-diddle-diddle is her problem?? Remy: Well, she did kinda ask us not to kick any more balls over the fence. Tilly: We kicked a lot of balls over that fence, Cricket. Cricket: I mean, sure, okay, if you want to get technical about it. She just needs a little convincing, is all. Just watch: a 'lil charm from ol' Cricket Green and we'll have our Critterballs back in no time. Big Coffee, inside (Cricket is inside the cafe.) Cricket: Well, hi Gloria! Gloria: Get out. Cricket: Whoa, hold on now, I'm not here to cause trouble. (pulls out bill) See? I'm a payin' customer. (places bill on counter) Keep the change. (blinks) Gloria: Okay... what'll it be? Cricket: Oh, some of that jitter juice. Y'know, some of that mornin' thunda'. 'Lil bit of the devil's bean brew. Gloria: Alright, here's a cup of dark roast. Cricket: Oh, you know me so well. (Cricket drinks it, but feels weird; he tries to swallow it, and manages to.) Cricket: Neato... (throws cup) Hmm... (climbs into the counter) I like your hat. Gloria: Every employee has one. Cricket: But that apron is all you. Right? Gloria: Nope. Standard issue. Cricket: But you've got big teeth, though, and that's good for spittin'! (Gloria is offended.) Gloria: Uh... excuse me? Cricket: Uh... uh... uh... (notices Eiffel Tower model) I like how you decorate. (points to model) What a fine antenna thingy! Gloria: Uh, no no no. (slaps Cricket's hands away) Don't touch that. This... is the (in French accent) Eiffel Tower. Someday, I'm gonna live in Paris, near the real thing. (Cricket has an idea.) Cricket: Hmm. (jumps on counter; with dreamy eyes) Well. I dunno nuthin' about Paris. Tell me more. Gloria: Well, I've only read about it. But simply put, everything seems better there. Paris, Gloria's imagination (Crossfade to Gloria's imagination. Gloria, now with longer hair, wearing purple shirt and eating a baguette, stands in front of the ''Mona Lisa.)'' Gloria: The food is spectacular. The art is unparrelled. And the architecture is ''breathtaking.'' (A blue Frenchman drives up to her on scooter.) Blue Frenchman: Bonjour! (Gloria gets on the scooter.) Gloria: It's a place where people are kind, and poetic... (imagination Gloria throws her hat, transitioning to a new shop of her's named "Gloria's") A place that recognizes ''true talent, and embraces the romantic.'' (Gloria is ordering coffee.) Purple Frenchman: (speaking French) Comment beaucoup pour le café? (subtitled; translated to English) (How much for the coffee?) Gloria: (blushing) I have no idea what you just said, (eyes turn into hearts) but yes, Marcel, yes, I'll marry you! Purple Frenchman (Marcel): (speaking French; subtitled; translated to English; as Gloria hugs him) Quoi? Tu es chtarbé! Comment tu connaitre mon nom? (What? You're crazy! How do you know my name?) Big Coffee, interior (Crossfade back into Big Coffee.) Gloria: This little reminder keeps me going. Work now, fun later. Cricket: See now? This is great! Look at us. We're connectin'. Now can we have our Critterballs back please? Gloria: ...Did you seriously just try to emotionlessly manipulate me into giving your critterballs back? (Cricket is surprised.) Cricket: Uh... (is brought outside by Gloria) Okay, okay, I can see you're busy. But if I can just get my Critterballs back, I -- Gloria: Oh, you'll get those Critterballs back. OVER MY. DEAD. BODY. (She tosses Cricket out, and pats her fingers.) Cricket (OS): My spleen! Green's house (Tilly holds up a watermelon.) Tilly: Alright. Here comes the pitch, Cricket. (Tilly throws the watermelon, which rolls inconsistently and comes to a stop when Cricket kicks it. However, Cricket hurts himself.) Cricket: OW!!! Dang, that smarts. (watermelon breaks, Tilly and Remy come over) Doesn't Gloria realize how important Critterball is to us? (Tilly sets the chicken under Cricket's head. She lies him down.) Tilly: There, there, brother. (takes a melon) Here, eat this. Cricket: Hhn... Thank you. How are we supposed to finish our legendary game? (Cricket is about to eat the melon, but the chicken snatches it.) Cricket: Hey, you can't just take that...! (has an idea) That's it! (sits up) I've tried bein' friendly and that got us nowhere. If Gloria won't give our Critterballs back... then we'll just have to take 'em back! All we need is a diversion... Tilly: Consider it... done. Big Coffee, interior (Tilly kicks the door open.) Tilly: (acting and wearing Dirtbag as a scarf) Rupert! YOU BROKE MY HEART! (Everyone is watching her.) Gloria: Ugh... What now?? Tilly: (to Remy; acting) You put my heart in a meat grinder, and then you shaped it into patties, and you threw it on the grill! Well, I ''ain't just gonna stand here and eat my heart burgers with no bun!'' You held hands with my... (grabs Remy) identical twin sister and I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! Gloria: (who is watching the "Shakespearean play") ...What is this? Purple customer with glasses: I dunno, but I can't look away. (Pan over to Cricket at the entrance. Laughing, he sneaks on over to the employees' door, and enters the room.) Tilly: (Who is now shaking Remy; acting) WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, RUPERT?? Rupert (Remy): Uh... uh... line? Tilly: (acting) YOU CAN'T EVEN COME UP WITH YOUR OWN APOLOGY!!! (Dirtbag wakes up; Tilly lulls him to sleep) Rupert: Come on, I need a do-over! Tilly: (acting, grabs the nearby cup) There are no do-overs... (splashes water) IN LOVE!!! Employee's room, Big Coffee Category:Episode Transcript Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:C Category:A-Z